


A Lot To Fix

by ViimaTheFailcat



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Don't copy to another site, Gen, Not Beta Read, Post-Canon, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViimaTheFailcat/pseuds/ViimaTheFailcat
Summary: Chairman Rose talking to his therapist
Comments: 11
Kudos: 32





	A Lot To Fix

“Welcome back,” Doctor Hirsch, Rose’s therapist said with a smile, like he always did, “It’s been a week since we’ve met.”

“It has,” Rose replied, also smiling. His own smile, however, was a lot thinner than the doctor’s.

“How are you feeling?”

Rose took a deep breath and considered the question, smoothing his palms over his thighs. “You know... The usual.”

Doctor Hirsch nodded. “Did anything noteworthy happen after our last meeting?”

Rose thought back. Nothing out of the ordinary, he still ironed his clothes in the morning, like usual. Checked his appliances and lights were off, like usual. Went to work, like usual. And so on.

Although... There had been that Tuesday evening, when his mind wandered, like it usually did, to the Darkest Day. He had realised that now when his plan had failed, nothing was stopping the Darkest Day from happening in the future. His failure had doomed Galar and no one would take the Darkest Day seriously anymore and people would die and there was nothing he could do about it.

Rose told Doctor Hirsch of it. His spiralling thoughts and how his breathing felt like it didn’t reach all the way to his lungs and like his chest would collapse in on itself. How the guilt had been crushing him.

Doctor Hirsch nodded along, writing notes. “Did you feel guilty about anything specific?” he asked.

Rose hesitated. “Yes.”

“Do you want to tell me what it was?”

“It’s… rather obvious, isn’t it,” Rose smiled sardonically, “It was about attempting the plan.” Rose didn’t mention, however, that he also felt guilty for having  _ failed _ .

Hirsch was quiet for a moment, reading his notes. “You still think about the Darkest Day?”

Rose hated to admit it. “Almost daily. Especially now, because... you know.” He had to fuck up his plan with Eternatus.

Hirsch nodded, without a hint of judgement on his face. “What especially about the Darkest Day do you think about?”

That was a lot to unpack. “Before or after?”

“After.”

Rose chewed his lip in thought. “These days, it’s usually... what I just told you. About me failing to prevent it. About how it will happen and destroy Galar.” There was much, much more Rose wanted to say, but he stopped. He didn’t want to spiral in front of his therapist.

Hirsch just hummed and wrote notes. “You’re still fixated on it.”

How could he not be? “Yes.”

Hirsch nodded and pursed his lips. “Do you still want to stop it?”

There it was. The loaded question. Rose took a deep breath. “My previous method was obviously ineffective. I would not try it again.”

Hirsch smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, I had to ask. You must understand.”

Rose smiled tightly. “I do.” They both knew that Hirsch also had to find out if Rose was “unstable” enough to try doing it all again, in addition to helping him with his… mental trouble.

Hirsch cleared his throat. “So you think about the Darkest Day a lot. How often does thinking about it lead to an anxiety attack?”

By sheer willpower, Rose forced himself not to flinch. “It... doesn’t happen that often,” he said slowly.

“Once a week?”

If Rose was lucky, yes. “Something like that.”

“That sounds like a lot,” Hirsch said, “Both, the amount of you thinking about it and the anxiety attacks.”

Rose hesitated. “It... does?” It was so normal to him that he couldn’t imagine life any other way.

“Usually people don’t fixate on issues that they have no control over, to this extent,” Hirsch said, tapping his pen on his notepad, “Let alone have anxiety attacks over it.”

Rose found himself speechless. Of course, a part of him must have known that normal people didn’t live their lives constantly crushed by fear of an event he’d never live to see, but he’d never… had it so plainly spelt it out for him.

The silence must have dragged on for a moment, because Doctor Hirsch started talking again. “That evening you mentioned. How did you manage to calm yourself down?”

“Oh, I…” Rose had to take a moment to gather his wits again. “Um…”

“You- you did calm down eventually, right?” Hirsch asked, looking worried.

“Y-yes, yes I did,” Rose said with a small laugh, despite everything. “I distracted myself. I took some deep breaths, which is when the roselia you gave me noticed I was… feeling off. And she used aromatherapy on me."

"Has the roselia been helpful?"

Rose nodded slowly. "I'd like to say yes, although the aromatherapy makes me feel groggy, most of the time. I try to avoid it early on in the day."

Hirsch nodded and wrote a note. "That is, unfortunately, a side effect that happens for everyone for the first few months. What did you do afterwards?"

"I went outside to hug my copperajah.”

Hirsch smiled. “Good. That’s good. How did it all work out?”

“It took a while, but it was infinitely better than ruminating in my thoughts.”

Hirsch hummed. “That’s good to hear… Do you have any other coping mechanics for your anxiety?”

“Not really, no…” Rose had to resist denying that he even had anxiety.

Hirsch nodded. “Why don’t we go through a few methods that can be used while in a panic attack, anxiety attack or dissociating?”

“Sure.”

“Alright.” Hirsch set his notebook aside. “The first is grounding. Basically, you set your feet firmly on the ground-” Hirsch demonstrated by sitting straighter and shifting his feet. Rose mimicked him. “And, if you’re sitting, lean back to the backrest, anything that grounds you physically to your surroundings. From there, you can focus on your breathing-” he set one hand on his chest and other on his stomach “-feel your chest expanding with each breath, and then try to breathe deeper, feel your stomach expanding.”

Rose breathed along with Doctor Hirsch. Chest and stomach.

“The point here is to breathe deeper," Hirsch said, "Chest-breathing is rather shallow, so you might not get as much oxygen. Breathing through your diaphragm is deeper.”

Rose nodded. “The same method singers use.”

“Exactly!” Hirsch beamed. “Singers breathe like this to sing longer notes.”

After that, Doctor Hirsch taught Rose another method, where he’d focus on his own senses and list things. Four things he could see, three things he could feel or touch, two things he could smell and one thing he could taste.

“Do you think these could help?” Hirsch asked.

“I’d have to try them first,” Rose said hesitantly.

  
“Of course,” Hirsch smiled, digging out a pamphlet from his desk drawer, “Here are the same methods, written down. Just in case.”

He hands the pamphlet to Rose, who skims it, then slips it into his jacket.

“What else, what else…” Hirsch muttered, reading his notes. “How has it been going with the roselia? I know it’s only been a week, but have you noticed anything different since you’ve gotten her?”

Rose rubbed his chin. “She does help, when I’m… in a state. But, as I said, her aromatherapy makes me very groggy.”

Hirsch nodded, writing notes. “Yes, a lot of people have that as a side-effect for the first few months. Something about brain chemistry overcompensating the chemical change. It should ease up in about five months. But,” Hirsch taps his pen, “If that impedes your daily life or lasts for more than six months, we should start looking for alternatives.”

Rose nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

Hirsch paused to read his notes, chewing his lip. “You still seem a little uneasy to be here. Do you want to talk about that?”

Rose suppressed a vince. Was it that obvious? Of course he was uneasy about this. He had landed here through a series of humiliating events. Rose paused, having to search words for a good while. “I’m not crazy, am I?”

Hirsch’s expression didn’t even flinch. “What makes you think that?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t, right?”

Hirsch squinted in confusion. “People go to therapy for lots of reasons, but go on.”

“Sane people don’t get sent to mental evaluation, right? It’s just-” Rose paused, taking another breath to calm himself and gather his words. “That day at the powerplant and the following few days… They’re easily the worst days of my life. I felt… powerless. Out of control. I… I felt like I was going insane.” There. He said it.

Hirsch nodded, face finally clearing in understanding. He leafed through his notes, going back several pages. “Ah, yes. You had a panic attack while in the questioning, if I’ve understood right.”

Rose took a deep breath. “Yes.”

“That must have been terrifying.”

“It was,” Rose confessed, voice rough. He remembered vividly having a panic attack while the police questioned him right after he turned himself in. He felt like he was losing control of his life, even losing control of his senses and  _ own mind _ . And his lawyer had used that moment to suggest that he should be sent to mental valuation. The psychiatrist Rose had talked with eventually had sent him to Doctor Hirsch. “I had barely calmed down when mental evaluation was brought up. I was… discombobulated. I felt like I had no… agency. Everything was spiralling out of my hands.”

“Ahh, I understand,” Hirsch said. “So, did the panic attack combined with the momentary loss of control make you feel like you could be… what’s the word you used, crazy?”

“Well… now that you put it like that, it sounds… insignificant,” Rose muttered.

“It’s not insignificant,” Hirsch said gently, “You were under a lot of stress, of course it feels like the world is collapsing on you.”

He wasn’t wrong. The world  _ had _ been collapsing on Rose, and it still felt like it.

“To return to your question,” Hirsch continued, “For what it’s worth, I am fairly sure that you are not crazy. You’re just a man with good intentions, but who is also burdened with unresolved issues.” He tapped his pen on his notepad. “But that’s what we’re here for.”

Rose blinked in surprise. He then opened and closed his mouth speechlessly. His chest, that had previously been feeling tight and constricted, suddenly felt light with relief. “I… Th-thank you, Doctor.”

“It’s what I’m here for,” Hirsch smiled. He glanced at the clock. “That’s all the time we had today, it seems. For our next meeting, I’d like you to keep count of the times when you think about the Darkest Day. Don’t stress about it, though. Just count them. Also keep an eye on your anxiety attacks. And if you have an anxiety attack, try out the methods we tried out, see if they work out for you. That’s three things. Do you think you can do that?”

“I am fairly positive,” Rose said with a crooked smile.

“Good,” Hirsch smiled. “See you next week, then.”

“Until then,” Rose said. He left Doctor Hirsch’s office, feeling… the usual. A little drained, somewhat apprehensive. And oddly relieved and disappointed. Doctor Hirsch hadn’t brought up how Rose avoided admitting that he had anxiety, which was a can of worms that he had to open sooner or later. Rose didn’t particularly look forward to it, but he also hated waiting for it. But, for now, he decided to worry about that later.

At first, he had thought that being forced to go to therapy was humiliating, but once he realised that this was just one more area he had to make amends in, it had become easier. He had a lot to fix. Starting from the Eternatus fiasco to  _ himself _ .

With that mindset, Rose went home and fed his copperajah, perrserker and the therapy roselia. He cooked himself dinner and sung along to some music to distract his mind from drifting. He had a chat with Bede over text and a phone call with Oleana and Leon.

He had a lot to fix, but he wasn’t alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Doctor Hirsch's first name is Harrison. He looks like if Kukui was a Jewish Bewear gijinka.


End file.
